There is much written on the traits of very Sensitive people (Hsp's) which I won't go into here. If you are one, you know it!
I haven't, however, been able to find much information on one single trait of Hsp's, the ability to sense and feel other peoples' emotions. This empathic ability alone can have a devastating consequent on the way that the Hsp experiences the world.
Do It Yourself
To experience feelings that aren't your own can cause havoc, especially when it is not understood. This is not just a logical belief process or something that you 'think' is happening to person but a 'taking on board' of that emotion ourselves. To the point that we feel it, live it out and process it just as though it were our own.
When emotions are occurring within ourselves without an apparent cause it generates confusion, upset and a gradual lowering of self esteem. If there are no reasons for this constant emotional rollercoaster then we can only assume that we are emotionally unstable, feeling things that we don't understand and with no apparent way out of it. This is particularly true of the negative emotions that can tend to stick like glue.
Suddenly looking yourself depressed, angry or irritable when you were feeling perfectly Ok a few minutes before can become so normal that it becomes a way of life. A constant sense of 'not feeling right' within, anxious, tense and on edge can be a sign that you are living in an energy that is not yours, approximately like wearing person else's clothes that just don't fit.
I believe that we are all unconsciously affected by other people's energies. Being empathic, however, with this depth of feeling in everyday life takes it to a new level. Being called 'moody', 'too sensitive', 'emotionally unstable' or worse 'mad' does small to help an already confused state as to why you feel as much as you do.
So every person that you come into experience with, everyone that you think of (or who is thinking about you) can influence your own energy and how you are feeling. Deep joy? Not! This can be an very difficult thing to live with when there is no understanding of what is occurring.
The majority of people do not experience this level of empathy and are therefore not going to understand it. Because it is not thought about normal or widely understood, it can cause additional obscuring and a constant questioning of 'what's wrong with me?'
The most traumatic part of this experience, for me, is that you are unlikely to ever get confirmation from others that it is their emotion and not yours. Even when you are with person who understands this ability, they may not be aware of their own depths of emotion and the constant shifts that occur. Sometimes people do not know themselves at this level and the emotion they experience, they are unaware of the thoughts and beliefs they carry and the subsequent emotional reactions.
Being empathic means that you feel emotion from others even when they are unaware of it themselves. It means that you feel subtle shifts that are not perceivable to anyone else. It is not only strong emotional energies that are sensed, it could be a fleeting sense of irritation, fear, nervousness or any other emotion.
I spent many years trying to get confirmation from other people that it wasn't my emotion that I was experiencing. This doesn't work! To be met with a normal response of 'no, its not me' confuses you even more as others can be adamant they are not feeling something, they are in fact unaware of it.
So what can you do about this? It takes time to realise that all you are experiencing may not be yours, to reconsider that you may be empathic. Its useful to start being very aware of your own emotional state, to notice when you are at ease and when you are not. To note how you feel before you are with other people and then to note any changes that occur.
This is difficult at first when you have spent a lifetime just accepting the emotional shifts as normal. Difficult because you can find yourself in the throes of an emotional reaction without even being aware of it starting, or of where it came from.
It in fact is a case of getting to know yourself, your own emotional reactions and belief processes so that then, you know without a doubt that you are experiencing something that is not your own. You find a place where you have your 'normal' and anyone exterior of that might not be yours.
Our own thoughts will generate emotional shifts in ourselves, as they do with everyone but you can generally be aware of your own 'stuff' that can cause emotional reactions.
I have come to realise that the vague sense of unease I often experience comes from not being in my own energy and from living in person else's. This means that I am taking away that persons experience and processing something that doesn't belong to me.
If you recognise yourself in the words that are written here, please get in touch I would like to hear from you. Use the feedback/comment form on the site.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of Empaths and extremely Sensitive people
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