Do you remember a time where you were going to do something you were genuinely afraid of? You had that sinking feeling that you're in trouble, but you knew it is the right thing to do. Maybe it was a job interview, asking someone out on a date, or social speaking. Everyone faces such situations, sooner or later. Normally after the event is gone you have a good feeling of pleasure and personal strength. The qoute is the moment right before, where you are paralyzed with fear.
Whenever people face such situations, they think they need "courage", and "willpower". As it turns out, this is the lousiest way to do it. I'll do my best to by comparison why is that, and what's the alternative.
Do It Yourself
Willpower and courage don't work
Courage simply means that you are afraid, but you are doing it anyway. It may be inherent to overcome your fears by facing them over and over again, but it is simply a waste of emotional and corporal energy. If you are afraid of something, but you're still doing it, this means that you are fighting with yourself.
It is equivalent to building a wall and then trying to get straight through it. It might work, but it is only a waste of time.Of procedure I'm not saying that you shouldn't do the things you are afraid of. I'm only saying that you shouldn't be afraid of them. Understand that all the fear of social speaking/rejection/failure/etc. Is fully irrational. The only rational fear is when you are physically in danger. Are you in danger when you are on a job interview, or doing social speaking? Of procedure not. Even if you totally screw up, you still don't have to sense any fear at all.All this fear is created by social conditioning. When you were first born, you had only 2 fears the fear of falling, and of loud noises. All the rest of them are learned. The qoute is that with such quick studying machines, people learn a lot of bullshit. They learn to be afraid of talking to other people, to try new things,to take risks, etc. This is to the point where people would build fears, greater that the fear of dying. According to a research, a good percentage of people would rather kill themselves than face an audience! Makes a lot of sense, doesn't it. It just sounds ridiculous. And yet the fear of death is in the 6th place!
To too many people, it has never occurred that they can do things without being afraid. They think that their fear happens automatically, without their participation, and is something they have no control over. Of procedure that is not true. If it was happening automatically and without your participation, how would you know what to be afraid of? Fear is not a "thing". It's just the end follow of a process that runs surface of your awareness and which leads to inevitable subjective experience.
You must comprehend that your emotional reaction is not caused by any circumstances surface of yourself. How could it be the circumstances. All you need to do is to think of a situation, and there it is in a split second.Fills up your whole body, and your solar plexus tightens up. It can be so paralyzing, that it fully halts you from taking action, and therefore you are stuck at your current level of success/failure.
The progressive training method, where you face your fears over and over again will at last work, but if done alone, you may never reach the point where you are fully free of fear. So how can you reach it, if not with courage? Getting rid of fear is not something you do with a "technique". It is done by changing your beliefs about inevitable things. However, knowing something intellectually, won't necessarily make your fear disappear. You have to adopt and understand it. Knowing something, and understanding it are two fully different things. It's like the contrast between knowing what you should do, and doing it. If you haven't internalized a given idea/belief it's like it doesn't mean anyone to you yet.
To get rid of fear, you must do 2 things:
You need to have the potential to believe, in fact to be totally and utterly carefully that you are going to get from where you are, to where you want to be.
You need to have a sense of humor.
Have a sense of humor
Without a sense of humor you can't get yourself to do pretty much anything. If you become too serious about things, you start getting stupid.Have you seen those couples that can fight over the simplest stuff (like who moved the salt, or where's the remote) for hours? That's what you'll become like if you get too serious. So, how's that linked to fear? Well, if you are afraid of a straightforward thing, like walking up to somebody, and saying hello, it can mean only one thing that you are getting too serious. One of the most prominent things in life is that if you're going to do something, you might as well enjoy it.
How to eliminate fear, is something you have to find out for yourself. I can't tell you how to do it. If you're doing something for the very first time, you probably will be afraid. Your brain will comprehend anyone new as inherent danger. But if you don't convert your beliefs about what the situation means, you'll have to overcome this fear over and over and over again. And after a few years you're going to look back and find out it genuinely didn't matter, and there was no presume to be afraid, but it'll be too late.
Fear turns into curiosity
When you carry on to eliminate fear, you'll consideration that whenever there was fear, now there is curiosity. You'll feel compelled to take on the new challenge, without any hesitation and fear, and this is how life is supposed to be. It's supposed to be fun and exciting, not a struggle.
"If you sense fear, any fear at all, than your reasoning model of reality is wrong."
-Steve Pavlina
"Thinking Is Like Sex: If it Feels Bad, You're Doing it Wrong!"
-Phillip J. Eby
Is it in fact Courage That habitancy Need?
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